Hello Rabbi,

I am accompanying my father during his hospitalization. He is 90 years old with dementia and does not get around easily. During a siren, should I stay with him beside his bed, or run to a bomb shelter and leave him alone?

Hello Rabbi Cherlow,

My father moved in with us after refusing every nursing facility, but he refuses to accept help from anyone except me. I find myself collapsing—my children hardly see me, my relationship with my spouse is suffering, and he adamantly refuses to allow outside help or to move to assisted living. He claims that this is “a family sacrifice.” Does the commandment of honoring one’s parents require me to sacrifice the peace of my own home and my mental health because of his stubbornness?

Hello Rabbi,

We feel that we have reached an impasse. My mother suffers from mild cognitive impairment, and she has stopped maintaining basic hygiene. She refuses to bathe or change clothes, and the situation in the house has become insufferable in terms of smell and health. Every attempt we make to help ends with shouting and accusations that we are “taking over her life.” Is it permitted for us to “force” her to clean herself? How can one preserve the dignity of an aging parent when one must treat them almost like a child?

Hello Rabbi,

My father is 84 years old. He is mentally lucid but has become very physically weak. Recently he has fallen twice at home, and only by a miracle did it not end in disaster. He adamantly refuses to allow a caregiver into his home or to even install an emergency call button, claiming that it “harms his dignity.” We, his children, live in constant anxiety, but he tells us: “If you honor me—do not interfere.” Does halacha require us to listen to him even when he is endangering himself, or does concern for his life take precedence over his wishes?