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Lighting Hanukkah Candles for a Person with Dementia? >>

Hello Rabbi,
For the last few years, my father has been coping with advanced dementia. In the past he was very meticulous about lighting Hanukkah candles, but today there are days when he does not understand what we are doing, and at times he also has difficulty remembering that it is dangerous to be too close to fire. On the one hand, it is important for us to preserve for him the experience and the tradition that he always loved, and on the other hand we are concerned from both a safety perspective and from a halachic perspective: for example, whether his lighting counts as a mitzvah if he does not understand the act?

How is it proper to act? Should we light together with him? Instead of him? Or perhaps refrain from lighting and suffice with the experience around the candles?

Thank you very much.

My Mother Suffers From Severe Pain – is it Permitted to Desecrate Shabbat in Order to Ease Her Suffering? >>

Hello Rabbi,
My mother, aged 82, is coping with advanced metastatic cancer. The pain she experiences intensifies at night, and at times she cries and writhes in pain.

Although the doctor has prescribed painkillers for her, sometimes dosage adjustments are required or stronger medications are needed, and there is no available course of action on Shabbat – the pharmacies are closed, and the doctor is available only through an emergency line.

In such cases, when it is a matter of relief and not of saving a life – is it permitted to desecrate Shabbat in order to bring her medication, consult with a doctor, or drive her to a medical center?

It is very important to us to ease her suffering, but we are not certain what is permitted and what is forbidden from a halachic perspective.

My Father Has Advanced Cancer – Who Decides About Pain Relief? >>

Hello Rabbi,
Our father is 88 years old and has been diagnosed with advanced, end-stage cancer. He suffers from particularly severe pain, yet he is very lucid and deeply afraid of losing control over his body and mind.

The doctors have suggested beginning treatment with opioid painkillers (morphine), but he is concerned about the effects of sedation, addiction, and even the risk of shortening his life.

Within the family there are disagreements: some of us feel that it is unthinkable for him to suffer like this and that his suffering should be alleviated by any means, even at the cost of decreased functioning. Others believe that his wishes must be respected as long as he is capable of making decisions.

What is the halachic point of view in such a case – is there an obligation or permission to relieve pain even at the cost of sedation, or should this be avoided if the patient refuses?
And what does one do when the family is divided in its opinions?

Is It Permissible For Me to Pray to God That He Takes My Mother Already – So That Her Suffering Will End? >>

Hello Rabbi,

My mother has been extremely infirm for the past year and a half – she is not speaking, not responding, and at times cries for hours without the ability to explain what is hurting her. We are by her side at all times, but it is heartbreaking. Sometimes I find myself quietly praying for her to simply be able to rest already… is this prayer permissible? Or is it a sin to think this way?

Is It Permissible To Give My Mother Strong Medications for Painkillers, Even If They Could Shorten Her Life? >>

Hello Rabbi,

My mother is sick with advanced stage cancer, and suffers from very severe pain. The doctors recommend therapy with aggressive painkillers – opioids – that can significantly improve her quality of life, but they also say that there is a chance that it will impact her functioning and can perhaps even accelerate the end of life. We do not want to see her suffer, but we are also afraid “to intervene in her life” from a halachic perspective. What is the proper thing to do?

How Should One Behave Toward a Parent With Dementia Who Curses His Visitors? >>

Hello Rabbi,

My father has had dementia for several years. He functions, but does not conduct a fluent conversation and mainly mutters to himself. Over the past year, almost every time we visit him, whether I come alone or with my wife, he quietly curses me and her.
This is very difficult for me. I would be glad to hear your opinion on the matter, and how halacha relates to this situation.

Father Insists on Continuing to Drive—When Are We Permitted to Intervene? >>

Hello Rabbi,
Our father is 84 years old and a very independent person, but his health is deteriorating. He no longer hears well, reacts slowly, and recently he also became somewhat confused while navigating and returned home agitated.

The family is struggling with the question: Do we have moral or halachic authority to ask him to give up driving, or is this an infringement on his dignity and freedom?
Is there a point at which the family is obligated to intervene, even when there is still no legal prohibition?
How does one act properly, regarding both respecting one’s parents and with responsibility for human life?

I Suffer From a Degenerative Illness—Should I Stop Driving? >>

Hello Rabbi,
I am a 77-year-old man who has been coping in recent years with a degenerative illness that leads to certain mobility difficulties.
As of now, I still drive, and the doctors have not forbidden me from doing so, but I notice that situations that were simple for me in the past, such as tight reversing or driving at night, have become challenging.

I do not want to give up my independence, but I am also afraid of causing harm without realizing it.
What does halacha say in such a situation? Is there a moral or halachic obligation to retire from driving when there is doubt, even without a clear medical directive?

Is it Permissible to Sleep in the Room of a Caregiver That Contains Buddha Statues? >>

Hello Rabbi,
My grandmother has a caregiver, and in her room, there are Buddha statues. I often come for Shabbat to be with my grandmother and I sleep in the caregiver’s room. May I sleep in a room that contains Buddha statues?

Is It Permissible to Lie to a Person With Dementia In Order to Decrease Anxiety? >>

Hello Rabbi,

My mother suffers from dementia, and the war has given her anxiety. We tried to assuage her fears, but she forgets and each time she hears the news she is frightened once again. Is it permissible for us to lie to her to lessen her anxiety?

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