General Background

The days of Channukah bring with them unique customs, family gatherings, foods, and music. For a person with dementia or someone sick with complex disease, large family assemblies, deviations from the norm, and non-routine activities can cause distress, confusion, and even delirium. Despite this, participation and integration of people dealing with medical challenges into the holiday festivities represents preservation of their dignity and place in the family and can be a pleasant and beneficial experience for them. The following are guidelines and advice for integrating a family member with dementia or a person sick with complex disease, so that these gatherings will be successful and beneficial for them.

Remember! – A person with dementia or a sick family member is a beloved individual, however their condition and disease limits them and changes their behavior. Express empathy for their condition and do all that you can to make them comfortable, to decrease tension (stress), and facilitate the family gathering. With proper conduct and advance preparation, your family members will enjoy spending time with you. You must be aware that things will not happen exactly as they did in the past, as we state later on.

Preparations in Advance

A Person with Dementia:

*Talk to them on the morning of the gathering about the fact that the routine will be broken and explain what is going to happen at the family event. It is recommended to relate to the different senses that they will sense a difference in: hearing – music, melodies, and songs; sight – many people, candles, etc.; smell – foods of different kinds.

*If they are disturbed by the changes, it is recommended to arrange smaller family gatherings in advance or have the event at their house (one should ensure that after the gathering in their home, the house is rearranged as it was before and as they recognize it).

*If you have decided to host a person with dementia at a family event and at candle lighting, it is best to plan beforehand where they will sit and who will accompany them throughout the event in order to ensure they feel safe and protected, to assist them if they need, to calm them down and support them.

A Patient of Sound Mind (Physical Illness):

*It is recommended that you have a conversation with them before the holiday about the upcoming celebrations and how they would want to participate in candle lighting. Express your desire to have a family gathering like any other year and how you would like them to participate in their familiar atmosphere with dishes and tunes that they like. Consider their wishes, where they would prefer to have this event, in their home or elsewhere.

*If they refuse to attend a large gathering, one should offer smaller events on separate days, for a short time period or as long as the person can handle.

*Offer to, if possible, buy gifts with them or provide gifts from their money (if he was accustomed to giving money on Channukah) and figure out how much they are interested in giving. One can offer to prepare an envelope with them for every one of the family members with kind wishes in them.

During the Gathering

*Include the sick family member, whether they are a person with dementia or complex disease, if possible, via plans made according to their capabilities: buying gifts before Channukah, setting up the Channukiah and lighting it, preparing the house for guests, setting the table, etc.

*Accompaniment and Presence – ensure that the person with dementia or the sick person is never alone, and mediate the experience for them, telling them who is in the house, helping them when necessary, calming them down, embracing them, or holding their hand if desired.

*Express empathy – if the person becomes tired, let them leave the event, go to another room, and rest.

*If possible and depending on the circumstances and situation, let them hand out the presents or channukah gelt.

Summary:

The holiday of Channukah is a great opportunity to engage the family in showing responsibility and involvement in taking care of a sick person or person with dementia. On these occasions one can strengthen the relationship with their grandchildren, who will become interested in the sick person’s condition and be brought closer to their world, and the person will become a significant and respected part of the celebration, like they were in the past.

We should merit to illuminate the light in every person!

Happy holidays,

Debbie Breitbard,

Head of the Social Worker Division,

Tzohar Ad 120